Because I love language and dialogue and we just spent some time discussing some of the great linguistic ambiguity in DM, I thought it would be fun to look at a smattering of the best ambiguous dialogues in comedy over the last few decades. I know I won’t mention all the best ones, and I’m counting on the readers of this blog to come up with some from DM and anywhere they have come across good examples. I have previously reviewed some of my favorite comedic dialogues from DM, e.g. the fish monger’s monologue in S5E8; Mrs. T’s remarks to ME at the Castle and his comments to her there too; Louisa’s great commentary during their walk in the woods on the wedding night and many of the conversations during that episode. Most of these are not ambiguous, just excellently written and very amusing. A lot of the dialogue is sarcastic, with an edge. But what about those conversations that are ambiguous?
In addition to the scene we recently looked at where Martin tells Joan “It’s not my fault,” there are many others. Here are a few from early DM:
Dr. Martin Ellingham:-Have you noticed an increased demand for diarrhea remedies lately?
Mrs. Tishell:-Yes – in fact you could say there’s been a *run* on them.
Joan: What’s going on Martin?
Martin: I needed to talk to Mark.
Joan: You needed to talk to him or needed to interrupt him?
Martin: I needed his help to section a man under 136 of the mental health act.
Joan: Then you saw him with Louisa, and you don’t need his help.
Martin: I’ll get a community psychiatric nurse in the morning.
Joan: Yes, Yes, she should make you feel much better.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: All right, Caroline, I’m going to give you an injection.
Danny Steel: [gets down on one knee, hands clasped together] I’m saying a prayer for you, Caroline.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [eyeing Danny] Just a little prick.
Louisa Glasson:-Why do you have to upset everyone? When you are with patients, why can´t you make an effort? Just *smile*! Try some small talk! Have a laugh!
Dr. Martin Ellingham:-Sick people don´t want a laugh. They want a doctor who knows what he’s doing.
Louisa Glasson:-They want a bedside mannner.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:-A bedside manner can´t cure you.
Louisa Glasson:-It makes them feel better.
Dr. Martin Ellingham:-Can it diagnose an illness in a scanner? Write a prescription?
Louisa Glasson:-You know what I mean. Please, for once *just* agree with me. *You* know what I´m trying to say?
Dr. Martin Ellingham:-Actually I find it hard to understand you in the best of times. Whatever you say or do makes no sense to me.
Louisa Glasson:-What are we talking about? Are we talking about…? What are we talking about?
Dr. Martin Ellingham:-I’m not quite sure.
(A group of twitchers are walking next to Doc’s house. Martin is taking his bottle of daily milk.)
Twitcher 1:-Which way to the choughs?
Dr. Martin Ellingham:-At the top of the hill. And turn right.
(The group continues up the road while the man watches his map)
Twitcher 1:-Why on the right there is the cliff? You mean left. Don’t you?
Dr. Martin Ellingham:-(At the door) Right. (Slams the door)
The classic example is Abbott and Costello and “Who’s On First?” Could there be a better example of linguistic ambiguity and how funny it can get? (My grandsons love it and it’s from the 1950s!) Here’s a video of it.
The Three Stooges were famous for wacky dialogue much of it ambiguous. Here’s some from their “Dizzy Pilots” script”
MOE: Where’s your vice?
CURLY (angelically): Vice? I have no vice. I’m as pure as the driven snow. (Gestures with his two hands flat, then holds them in a praying position.)
MOE: (Nods sarcastically.) But you drifted. (Hits Curly on the head.)
MOE: Get outta here and get the vice.
MOE: Hey you nitwit! Don’t saw the wings, you saw the garage!
CURLY: I see the garage, but I don’t saw the garage. You are speaking incorrectly. You are moidering the King’s English. Et cetera. See? Saw? See? See?
MOE: Yagh! (Starts to strangle Curly.) Shut up! You saw one side and Larry will saw the other. (Moe points.)
CURLY: Oh, I see. I saw! (Curly grabs Moe’s left arm and begins to saw.)
Then there’s “Young Frankenstein:”
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, help me with the bags.
Igor: [Imitating Groucho Marx] Soitenly. You take the blonde, I’ll take the one in the toiben.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I was talking about the luggage.
Inga: Hallo. Vould you like to have a roll in ze hay? [Dr. Frankenstein stutters] It’s fun. [She begins to roll in the hay] Roll, roll, roll in ze hay.
Just about all dialogue in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” or Monty Python’s “Life of Brian.” Look here AND here
“The Flying Circus” has a few choice examples too. Here’s an excerpt of their “Dead Parrot” sketch:
Mr. Praline: Now that’s what I call a dead parrot.
Owner: No, no…..No, ‘e’s stunned!
Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
Mr. Praline: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
Owner: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the fjords.
Mr. Praline: PININ’ for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got ‘im home?
Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin’ on it’s back! Remarkable bird, id’nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
Owner: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ’em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Praline: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this bird wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!
Owner: No no! ‘E’s pining!
Mr. Praline: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
Owner: Well, I’d better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of parrots.
I enjoy Simon Pegg’s crazy films. The language can be very vulgar, but the films have their moments. Here’s one from “The World’s End:”
Steven Prince: We need to be able to differentiate between them, them and us.
Peter Page: Yeah, I think the pronouns are really confusing.
Gary King: I don’t even know what a pronoun is.
Oliver: Well, it’s a word that can function by itself as a noun which refers to something else in the discourse.
Gary King: I don’t get it.
Andrew Knightley: You just used one.
Gary King: Did I?
Andrew Knightley: “It” it’s a pronoun.
Gary King: What is?
Andrew Knightley: It!
Gary King: Is it?
Andrew Knightley: Christ!
I’d love to see some of your examples. I had a lot of fun putting these together. Enjoy!
Originally posted 2014-10-10 12:22:56.