Another recurring topic in the show is the issue of happiness, which I have written about so much already. But, since S7E2 has Martin telling the therapist that he’d like Louisa to be happy but that he considers happiness overrated, I couldn’t ignore that once again happiness is being prioritized. (I can’t guarantee this will be the last time I write about this emotion either.)
When I first wrote about happiness on Oct. 15, 2013, I wasn’t sure how much this emotional state mattered to the show. Now I can’t help but think that it occupies a very important place philosophically and situationally. Since I don’t want to repeat myself and you all can look back on the previous posts, I will just give you a rundown of what I have written so far about happiness.
The Oct., 2013 post discussed Aristotelian notions of eudaemonia and how psychologist C. D. Ryff has modified them. I then applied Ryff’s six factor structure to Martin and Louisa and what might make them happy. (Oddly enough, I recommended an intermediary and suggested they do some simple activities together, and in S7 they seem to be doing all of those things.)
The next time I wrote about happiness was on Oct. 14, 2014, when I looked at how important it is to most people to be happy and tried to determine what may provide a sense of happiness to Martin based on what we’ve seen on the show. I wondered if Martin’s daily routine, while fairly rigid, might also be a source of happiness for him and provide him with a sense of well-being. Despite any objection he may claim at times, he also appears to exhibit some real happiness whenever Louisa responds positively to his overtures.
I wrote again about happiness on March 31, 2015 when I looked at marital happiness. The post delineated John Gottman’s Four Horsemen concept, or the four major negative communication styles that can lead to significant problems in a marriage. Gottman also offers some ways to reverse the damage negative communication can have. The suggestions for improving communication led me to suggest that a little more affection between Martin and Louisa and some sign that they appreciate each other could go a long way to bringing them happiness in their marriage. If S7E2 is an indication of things to come, it is filled with moments where they are quite willing to thank each other. We can only hope for some affection! (Some trailers have shown them hugging and that’s a start.)
Next I wrote about happiness on July 28, 2015. (See, I really have taken this issue to heart!) This post had to do with how important many countries think happiness is to their citizens. The UK is one of those countries, and the Prime Minister started talking in 2010 about his interest in using the government to help with making British citizens happier. I also referred to the film “Inside Out” because it makes the point that without sadness, there can be no joy. Other articles I read around this time made similar points, i.e. that experiencing happiness is conjoined with the fear that it may end. In addition, most studies on happiness emphasize the importance of self-governance and the conviction that people who feel in control of their own destiny usually feel more fulfilled. Also, well-being can be measured subjectively and objectively.
The July post was quite long and eventually got to talking about Martin Seligman and his Positive Psychology ideas. Seligman is convinced that happiness is an essential facet of living a quality life, and that applies to all cultures. He has come up with exercises to increase happiness and decrease depressive symptoms, and they have lasting results. The application of these exercises demonstrates that people have some control over their level of happiness.
Now Santa has referenced another article about happiness and it offers a nice overview of the research in this area as well as some interesting views about the subject that have not been mentioned enough in the previous posts. For me the section about “What Research Says Happiness is Not” is of great value.
Happiness is not:
- Having all your personal needs met
- Always feeling satisfied with life
- Feeling pleasure all the time
- Never feeling negative emotions
The article goes on to say, “An especially important part of the happiness equation is the negative feelings you may be feeling right now. As nice as it might seem, happiness is not the absence of negative feelings. As Dr. Vanessa Buote, a postdoctoral fellow in social psychology, explains, real happiness is about taking the good with the bad:
One of the misconceptions about happiness is that happiness is being cheerful, joyous, and content all the time; always having a smile on your face. It’s not—being happy and leading rich lives is about taking the good with the bad, and learning how to reframe the bad.
You can experience negative feelings and overall happiness with your life at the exact same time. In fact, learning how to do that is essential to being a happier person.
Furthermore, “Lahnna I. Catalino, Ph.D., at the University of California at San Francisco, suggests that overly pursuing happiness can actually backfire on you…Remember, [due to genetics] you have a limit that you can’t control. Don’t beat yourself up about it, you’re just being yourself. Instead of trying to force yourself to be happy, Catalino advises you simply reflect on the moments and activities that give you joy. So stop trying so hard.”
After reading this, we can put ME’s position that happiness is overrated in perspective. I would guess that he has concluded that Louisa needs to be happy but that he does not, and that he assumes he will never reach a state of happiness so why even try. However, as we have seen throughout the show, he can achieve happiness at times; he just can’t stop having negative feelings. Presumably he beats himself up about it and feels defeated when he continues to struggle and cannot fit the model of happiness he’s formed from watching others. As the quote above states, ME needs to learn how to reframe the bad, and we have to hope therapy gives him some help with that.
Originally posted 2015-09-19 16:46:15.