Sometimes the Obvious Isn’t

I have let this blog languish for several months because I had run out of topics to discuss and felt safe in assuming that until they shot another series, there really wasn’t much to say. To some degree you can blame the NYTimes again for motivating me to write more.

This time they published another article on change as it relates to marriage and I thought it was worth mentioning. I know there is some previous post in which I noted that we all can’t help changing as we grow older. I don’t think that was an earth-shattering revelation; nevertheless, a recent article in the Times arrived at just that sort of conclusion. That they consider an article of this kind of continuing value, makes me think it’s worth mentioning here again.

What impressed me in this recent article is that the writer takes a stand in favor of acknowledging change, and even expecting it, as an integral facet of marriage such that married couples ought not to use change as a perpetrator of separation or divorce.

I particularly like her assertion that “being forever content with a spouse…requires finding ways to be happy with different versions of that person.” She goes on to say “several long-married people I know have said this exact line: ‘I’ve had at least three marriages. They’ve just all been with the same person.’”

So, for what it’s worth, in regard to Louisa and Martin, Louisa’s decision to stay married to Martin and accept him is truly what all married couples do. There will be inevitable changes, and rolling with them is a requirement of staying married. Heck, maybe that’s what keeps marriages fresh!

(I hope to publish another post very soon.)

6 thoughts on “Sometimes the Obvious Isn’t

  1. jregan

    Recently, I watched reruns of Clune’s earlier series (late 1990s) “Men Behaving Badly,” and compared aspects of the relationship between Gary (Marty Clunes) and Dorothy (Caroline Quentin) to Martin and Louisa. It seemed liked the natural thing to do. Caroline Quentin (Dorothy) was a character actor on Doc Martin for one episode during the fifth season, but I am at loss as to which one. Aspects of Doc Martin’s behavior appear in Clune’s portrayal of Gary, and I suspect helped him portray the Doc in all his grumpiness. Dorothy is more acerbic and consistent in her criticism of Gary’s behavior than Louisa was with the Doc. Perhaps this is something than will change in the new doc episodes? However, I must confess Clune’s performance in the earlier show is a little over the top a times, and various aspects of the subject matter prohibits family viewing. I can also see where people might find the premise of the show offensive. Nevertheless, I found elements of the humor to be outstanding. The relationship and experiences between Gary and Dorothy included similar doc-like events such as a failed marriage ceremony and Dorothy’s pregnancy. Without giving too much away, Dorothy and Gary remain unmarried, but it was a working relationship nevertheless. It would great to see more of Caroline Quentin. Excellent actor.

  2. kjacobson@mindspring.com Post author

    I believe Caroline Quentin was brought into DM in series 7 as the holistic vet. It’s still possible that she will return, although she has had other gigs since then and she may be busy. She and MC are close friends so don’t count that out.

    Marriages have been a staple of MC’s shows. I can’t say for sure (no data), but I would venture to say he has been in more wedding ceremonies than most actors. Also, weddings are a popular comedic trope and they (or the prospect of characters marrying) have been used frequently in DM. Maybe they constitute a sort of exaggeration for comedic purposes in this show.

  3. Amy

    I also found that comment that she’d had three marriages all to the same man thought-provoking. I know I have changed since we first married, and so has my husband. Having children changes you. Then having your children grow up and leave changes you again. Retiring changes you. It’s life. I still am who I was 40 years ago, but I also am not.

    Having watched DM as many times as I have, I also have seen how each of the characters changes over time. Louisa is much more serious over time—more mature, especially after having James. Martin also changes—it may be less obvious, but he does express his feelings more effectively over time and is more open to change.

    It will be very interesting to see what changes they will experience in the next series.

  4. Jregan

    Recently, I received notice through one of the other doc Martin blogs about the new seasons, and it seems the writers have a few more marriages in store for us. The comical tradition lives on.

  5. Carol

    Great post and great article! Loved the chipmunk thing. I’ve had things like that happen in my marriage and it’s so neat!

    Looking forward to the changes with the Doc and Louisa. Hey, in the Facebook Spoilers Group we’ve already seen one-a sweet kiss on the cheek on the porch and he’s not scowling!

    Gives me hope!

  6. kjacobson@mindspring.com Post author

    Hi Carol! I saw the kiss too, from many angles. I guess he’s not scowling but he sure isn’t reciprocating. I’d like to think we aren’t back to his being so repressed. On the other hand, we don’t really know what led to Louisa kissing him at that moment. I’m willing to have some hope!

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