I feel the need to have a little fun and Marta has sent me something I think we can all play with. I hope you all find this amusing. We thought we could take these examples and convert some Doc Martin associated words into something we could all laugh about. They don’t approach the wit of the winners of the Wash. Post contest, but I think they are pretty good.
The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational invites readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners (from last year):
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit)
10. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
11. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
12. Glibido: All talk and no action.
13. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
The WashingtonPost also published this year’s winning submissions for alternate meanings of common words:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Here’s what Marta came up with:
Lew Weezer, n. an old geezer who lusts after pretty girls
PartWenn, n. end of every Doc Martin series when Martin and Louisa split
A Tishell, n. kleenex for self-medicating matrons with a Dr. Ellingham infatuation
The Harbar, n. place on the shore to drink
PC Pinhale, n. name for a dumb copper
DoanTawk, n. place of silence in PortWenn
Rose Karen, n. girl who lives at the top of the hill
Anti Joan, n. Martin’s father, Christopher
More Regret, n. what Martin feels when speaking to his mother, Margaret
Hellinore, n. Martin’s worst nightmare of a mother-in-law
Badmen, n. loansharks on the moor
Foe Bea, n. a very difficult enemy from Martin’s past
The Birth Taxi, n. natural vehicle for inducing labor
Corn Wall, n. place where Daphne deMurier dispensed literary gems
Then I tried a few:
Locations in Port Isaac/Portwenn
Insulting Room, n. place where your GP makes snide remarks to you about your body
Wasting Room, n. place where you pass the time while hoping to get a cup of tea
Sneeze Belly Alley,
n. a place where it’s so narrow it’s dangerous to sneeze
Margaret’s Cane, n. the physical implement that a shrew uses to hurt people
Rise Hill, n. steep street that is handicapped challenged
At Large, n. a person who can’t decide who to date or where to live
Joe Inhale, n. a man who talks too much
Joan Torton, n. either someone who likes to bake tortes OR someone who habitually gets into trouble for being uninsured
John Slayer, n. a man who breaks women’s hearts
Tossee, n. a person who throws up easily
haemorphobia, n. a concern about needing to change
I encourage everyone to take a few minutes to think of some of your own. If nothing else, it keeps our minds working!
(New more serious post coming soon.)
Originally posted 2015-08-13 09:34:05.