A Doc Martin Lexicography

I feel the need to have a little fun and Marta has sent me something I think we can all play with. I hope you all find this amusing. We thought we could take these examples and convert some Doc Martin associated words into something we could all laugh about. They don’t approach the wit of the winners of the Wash. Post contest, but I think they are pretty good.

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational invites readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners (from last year):
1. Cashtration (n.):  The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.  
2. Ignoranus A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton
 Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation
 Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): 
 The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 
6. Giraffiti Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
8. Inoculatte To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Osteopornosis
 A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit)

10. Karmageddon
 It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
11. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido
 All talk and no action. 

13. Dopeler Effect
 The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 

14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): 
 The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.): 
 Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.):  The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating. 
The WashingtonPost also published this year’s winning submissions for alternate meanings of common words:
1. Coffee, n.  The person upon whom one coughs. 
2. Flabbergasted, adj.  Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.  
3. Abdicate, v.  To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. 
 To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj.  Impotent. 

6. Negligent, adj. 
 Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v.  To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. 
 Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. 
 Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. 
 A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. 
 A humorous question on an exam. 

12. Rectitude, n. 
 The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 
13.  Pokemon , n.  A Rastafarian proctologist. 
14.  Oyster , n.  A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 
15.  Frisbeetarianism , n.  The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16.  Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Here’s what Marta came up with:
Lew Weezer, n.  an old geezer who lusts after pretty girls
PartWenn, n.  end of every Doc Martin series when Martin and Louisa split
A Tishell, n. kleenex for self-medicating matrons with a Dr. Ellingham infatuation
The Harbar, n. place on the shore to drink
PC Pinhale, n. name for a dumb copper
DoanTawk, n. place of silence in PortWenn
Rose Karen, n.  girl who lives at the top of the hill
Anti Joan, n. Martin’s father, Christopher
More Regret, n. what Martin feels when speaking to his mother, Margaret
Hellinore, n. Martin’s worst nightmare of a mother-in-law
Badmen, n. loansharks on the moor
Foe Bea, n. a very difficult enemy from Martin’s past
The Birth Taxi, n.  natural vehicle for inducing labor
Corn Wall, n.  place where Daphne deMurier dispensed literary gems
Then I tried a few:
Locations in Port Isaac/Portwenn
Insulting Room, n.  place where your GP makes snide remarks to you about your body
Wasting Room, n. place where you pass the time while hoping to get a cup of tea
Sneeze Belly Alley, n. a place where it’s so narrow it’s dangerous to sneeze

Margaret’s Cane, n. the physical implement that a shrew uses to hurt people
Rise Hill, n. steep street that is handicapped challenged
At Large, n. a person who can’t decide who to date or where to live
Joe Inhale, n. a man who talks too much
Joan Torton, n.  either someone who likes to bake tortes OR someone who habitually gets into trouble for being uninsured
John Slayer, n. a man who breaks women’s hearts
Other words:
Tossee, n. a person who throws up easily
haemorphobia, n. a concern about needing to change
 I encourage everyone to take a few minutes to think of some of your own. If nothing else, it keeps our minds working!
(New more serious post coming soon.)

Originally posted 2015-08-13 09:34:05.

16 thoughts on “A Doc Martin Lexicography

  1. Gabriele

    Thank you, Karen!! How very funny! I have laughed a lot!
    My favorites are: a Tishell, Anti Joan and, of course: Insulting Room.
    How about: Ruddy – an annoying dog who has to be kicked out.

  2. kjacobson@mindspring.com Post author

    Gabriele! So nice to know you’re still reading the blog. I like the examples you chose too, and yours is pretty good.

    I hope to see others!

  3. Gabriele

    Peter Crank – a boy with a (sometimes too) abundant intelligence
    Bert Too Large – a man in utter need to reduce weight
    Pauline Vamp – a receptionist who tries to enhance her beauty by an excessively colorful and ornamental dress style

    I like this!! Word games are a great pastime. I can’t wait to think of more….

  4. Gabriele

    And here are two more:
    Morwenna Nevercross – a receptionist with infinite patience
    “Mark my love!” – The vain attempt of a policeman to secure romantic happiness

  5. Laura H

    How about: A Cute Ga Ga Coma
    a condition originating with Louisa and Martin where both have an attraction to the other but can’t wake up to each other.

  6. Gabriele

    Category alternate meanings:

    Stop talking!
    Out of the way!
    Go away!
    Not you, you!
    Be quiet!
    Shut up!

    >>> Bedside manners

  7. waxwings

    “Stop talking!”— Could be fatal to your heart while I’m trying to listen….

    “Out of the way!” — I’m coming to the rescue—you morons move!

    “Go away!”—I can’t help you now, and hope you never come back….

    “Shush!”—Stop talking, I’m listening to your fatal condition

    “Shoo!” — Out, out, you filthy dog, and don’t come back…

    “Not you, you!” — Can’t you understand the pecking order?

    “Be quiet!” — Or I’ll misdiagnose you.

    “Shut up! “—no hissing, absolutely no hissing, and I have no interest…

    “Bedside manners” — horrified doctor asking what are those??

    The best word plays are those that take a name, a place, a phrase, and turn the definition into something else. Try thinking of a one or two word phrase and up-ending it by changing one or more letters. You will be surprised by your own inventiveness. It’s all connected to the DM show and what you know about it. You all know gobs. Play on!

  8. Gabriele

    “Bedside manners” was my definiton of all those shouts. Well, you have made a step further – great!

    Want some more?
    delabolic – state of mind of those who have been drinking too much in a neighboring village

    Surgery – a place where you get shouted at by a vomiting doctor

    Emergency – when a person runs down a steep hill in a funny way, holding a doctor’s bag

    Emergency –

  9. waxwings

    DellaBowl — neighboring place where girls go for entertainment

    Sir Jorie — distinguished man with great medical knowledge works here

    Emerge & See — PC Penhale does it all the time

  10. Gabriele

    GP – Giant Penguin (think not only of the penguin’s neat suit, but also of the way the giant penguin holds his arms and hands when standing and waiting before entering a room)

    Danny Steal – a man who wants to make off with one’s love interest

  11. kjacobson@mindspring.com Post author

    Gabriele, you are irrepressible! Thanks for all your contributions.

  12. Gabriele

    Sorry, I can’t stop… !

    ELLINGHAM & GLASSON – our enterprise offers you appropriate individual ideas for creating misunderstandings, speechlessness or failures in every situation in life. (Special offers for school teachers and Aspergers)

    Ruthjoan Mixture – prescription drug. Ingredients: 40% psychological expertise, 40% common sense and 20% affection. Dosage: at least 1x daily

    Aliene – a receptionist with extraterrestrial behavior

    If you want me to stop, Karen, simply apply one of the bedside manners, i.e. “Stop talking!” “Be quiet!” or “Shut up!” 😉

  13. kjacobson@mindspring.com Post author

    I love your enthusiasm. You don’t need to stop.

    Just thought I’d add here that I’m getting pretty close to completing my next post and really hope to publish it by the end of the day.

    Thanks for reading and contributing!!

  14. Rane

    Ellinghamjamb n. Shorter door frame with lintel at 6 feet or below, forcing people who are over-6 feet tall to duck while passing through. (Forgetting to duck may result in injury to the head.)

    Ellingham-ham n. Actor Martin Clunes (pretending to forget lintel heights — and — sometimes pretending not to see some low obstacles [cats, dogs]: all resulting in bumps and pratfalls to startle the viewer).

  15. kjacobson@mindspring.com Post author

    Welcome back Rane, it’s been a long time! I like your ideas. Thanks!

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